Drunken Wrestling

Have you ever walked down the street and been accosted by a cracked out nut case.

Have you ever been walking down the street, home after a night of drinking and been accosted by a cracked out nut case yelling at you about some nonsense involving blankets, chairs and a flashlight that was definitely not a fort?

Have you ever considered that instead of a mostly harmless bum, it could be a zombie wading towards you like that piss-drunk wacko?

How would you deal with this situation. Lets re-examine the situation:

The time is 2 in the morning (or 5am if you're in some sensible place where last call isn't at 1:45am) and you're with a couple friends after a night of drinking. You might be heading back home for a night of wonderful sleep or back to someone's place for more raucous not-alcoholism-if-you-don't-spill shenanigans. Laughing and joking maybe even jumping you meanander home. If you had smelled like piss and wore shit on your face, the nonsense could have put you right in line with the crazies. If it weren't for the fact that you are in fact sane and have non-foul smelling friends around you doing much the same thing you'd be a crazy. Its not insane if other people are there with you.

Then in a moment of blissful ignorance Dude, the guy next to you falls over. You look over and refocus. There it is. Smelly, ditrty and gross a bum has assaulted your friend with a ferocity unknown to the likes of most goons. No. Its not a bum. Its a zombie and now there are two.

You and your other friends back away and its not at all like a scene from Thriller: You and your remaining friends back away and under the dim light of an overhead streetlight you spy them. Its not just two, not three or four or five. If you had to take a guess you'd go with a horde. You're struggling to stand upright let alone count so there is no way you're going to use the "correct numerology"

What do you do now? This is where thinking does not begin and instict kicks in. Zombies are generally slow this is not a Flash zombie mob, nobody has the heels of mercury at their feet.

As they shuffle towards you its time to react. Quickly, in fact slighly quicker than them you begin to petal backwards. This is no time for a fight. You may indeed be strong, fast and aggressive when you're drunk but remember that time you tried to take out the mailbox? You charged in, attacked, but it still won. Zombies don't feel pain much like mailboxes. You do. Its time to get the hell off the road and thats what you do. Stay away from public areas. If a horde of zombies show up and its the middle of the night and you're trashed chances are there are many other people just as throttled who do not have the wit about them to withstand a zombie attack. Though the Mission may be a great place for a beer it is no place to fight the zombie war.

So that is what you do. Its not smart to fight a zombie drunk. They can't feel pain and if your'e drunk you probably can't either but that won't stop you from getting your arm torn off. And if that happens I promise, you will feel it.