The Zombie Apocalypse could it happen to you?

Could it happen to you? The answer is simple, Yes. Could it happen to me? Of course not. Why do I sound so cocky? Well, besides for the fact that I wake up and piss excellence, I live with 3 others who are also prepared. At any given time, there is the thought of what if everyone turned into zombies right now in the back of my head. I will impart some knowledge upon you that may give you the edge. The most important issue. Identify the zombie you are dealing with. Is it the actual undead, or just some lab created virus. This first question is really important. Hope for the latter, if it is still "alive" you can wait it out because if you are smart, the zombies will starve before you do. Next, rent or buy a place you know would be able to hold up in case of the zombie apocalypse. We told our realtor that we need a sturdy place that could survive a zombie attack. I've found living in a big building or castle is the best for this. If you live in a shitty place, walk around the neighborhood and identify places you could take over. Next, identify an escape plan. For example, I could repel down the cables on my building, and make a run to belmont harbor which is 300 feet away. Large bodies of water are key. Zombies cannot swim, and de is wrong. Water zombies do not exisit. Large bodies of water provide you with fish. You can usually stay close to the coast to stop and find places to raid for supplies. Lastly, watch out for the most dangerous type of zombie the voodoo seductive zombie. You can identify these girls with large amounts of black eyeliner under their eyes, which for me sucks as that is any girl who walks down belmont. These zombies seem like they want a fun time but, in reality they will eat your dong.